Hi Everyone! It's been a while. I've been busy the past few weeks, as I'll share in a later post. Today though, I want to address something important. Today, I'm on a mission to change the way you think about addiction. Scary right? See how I bolded and italicized to make it impossible to ignore? …
The Decision
Today, I finally made an important choice in my treatment. This is a monumental moment for me for two reasons: I came to a conclusion in an important situation, and I am confident in my choice. This has been something that I've been debating for months. It's a difficult choice. It's life-altering, it's divisive, and …
The Insecurity
Recently I have felt more confident and controlled than ever. I feel comfortable for the first time. It is becoming increasingly rare for me to feel lost or helpless. Today, though, I had a bit of a crisis. It wasn't the normal panic, but rather a sense of uselessness and uncertainty. I'm not sure exactly …
The Time to Give
Following a much needed vacation, I returned home to mounds of unfinished work and a serious mess of a work schedule. After several days of struggle and some minor jetlag, I finally feel equipped to pick up where I left off. This post serves two purposes: it reinforces my understanding of a valuable skill, and …
The Dear Man
Recently, the focus of my therapy sessions has shifted from anxiety and depression treatment to more interpersonal skills, assertiveness training, and emotion regulation. I had talked about my frustrations at work and how I felt like I was unable to voice my concerns effectively. This has always been a weakness of mine. My counselor suggested …
The Resurgence
Every so often, I start something that I'm very excited about, such as this blog. Equally often, I let my interest fall off. I have a tendency to procrastinate, due to a very extensive list of reasons that may be discussed in a future post. (Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.) I keep putting things off until …
The Failure
This is a story of how I let myself down. This is also a commentary on mental illnesses in education, and a narrative of my college's failure to help me. Before I begin my tale, I would like to acknowledge the inspiration for this post. The Only Way Out is Through is a post recently …
The Wisdom
Every so often I am blessed with knowledge that changes the way I view my world. These moments are rare, but always welcome. This week I learned about a concept called the "Wise Mind." I was skeptical upon hearing the name, simply because it sounds like something straight out of a Jackie Chan movie. Then …
The Slide
It happened today, so suddenly. I went several days without any huge worries. Thoughts came and went. Nothing replayed over and over again. I felt calm and confident. Everything was going so well. Two weeks, zero meltdowns. I woke up this morning expecting more of the same. I went to work. I enjoyed work. I …
The Diversion
For about a week, everything has felt different. It's like the whole world is brighter. Colors pop. I've been able to focus, and breath, and smile. Times like this are always refreshing. I feel energized. I feel confident. That's not to say that I haven't been stressed. I've been worried, jittery, even a little bit …
The Approach
I have never in my life been known as an organized person. Ask anyone who ever saw my college dorm. My poor roommate (sorry Dalt). I'm used to spontaneity. "Fuck it" is my catch phrase. I never plan anything, ever. But now I'm beginning to understand how a little bit of planning can change an …
The Moment
I've been hearing about meditation and mindfulness for years, but I always wrote them off as nonsense. They never made any sense to me. But recently, I discovered the power of living in the moment. While meditation is a skill that I likely won't take the time to learn, I now believe that mindfulness should …
The Fear
This post is 100% for me. I'm really struggling tonight. I feel alone. And while I normally like to have time by myself, this is different. I can't even put it into words. It feels heavy. I feel the urge to reach out to people but I keep scaring myself out of action. I don't …
The Brain
The human brain has 100 billion neurons, each neuron connected to 10 thousand other neurons. Sitting on your shoulders is the most complicated object in the known universe. - Michio Kaku As I've mentioned in The Numbers (go read it if you haven't) mental health is an issue that desperately needs more attention. I know …
The Unknowing
Why my biggest fear is myself It's difficult going through each day and not knowing what to expect from yourself. I can always assume that I'll have some nagging intrusive thoughts, but when they'll pop up and how I'll handle them are impossible to predict. That's the scariest part for me: how is this going …
The Family
Yesterday I had another session, and until then it had been a pretty good day. I was confident going in. I had practiced some coping techniques that we discussed in the previous session, I had been keeping a list of intrusive thoughts, and I thought I was prepared. We jumped right in, learning some new …
The Numbers
Why mental health deserves your attention Every year, medical conditions such a cancer and supposedly eradicated diseases dominate heath related headlines. Rightfully so! Cancer was the second leading cause of death in the US in 2016, behind only heart disease. The likelihood of being diagnosed with cancer is around 35-40%, dependent on your sex. It's …
The Routine
A day in the life of a control freak without a plan Let me walk you through my typical day. It begins much as you might expect. I wake up tired, having spent much of the night rolling around with a hyperactive brain in a body that just wants to be still. I have this …
The Co-occurrence
While my primary focus lately has been treating my symptoms of anxiety, tonight I'd like to talk about another issue that's plagued me: depression. I've been quite lucky, I think, to have only experienced a feel depressive episodes in my life. However, those periods were by far the most difficult times in my life. I …
The Collateral Damage
I've been talking a lot about how anxiety has affected me. It's ever present, it's painful, and it's fucking exhausting. I struggle with it every day. I have all these feelings that overwhelm me consistently, but only one really stands out tonight. I feel guilty. I've grown used to the daily worry, and the occasional …
The Coping
The past few days have been so difficult. I've had so much time to sit and think. I did whatever I could think of to keep busy. Today I cleaned. Yesterday I went to the gym. Twice. On Thursday, I tried doing nothing. I tried to relax, sitting in a hundred positions in a dozen …
The Feeling
When does it end? Let me start by saying that I am greatly appreciative of the support I've received. I love that people are reading this and finding inspiration. Let me also say that I'm not writing for your attention. I'm writing for me. I'm writing to put my thoughts into words. I'm writing to …
The Problem
This one is hard to write. I had my second session today, and it made me more uncomfortable than any situation ever has. This was a period of reflection, of understanding, of the deepest pain I have ever felt in my life. This was the day that I realized how many disasters I have caused …
The Session
So this is what it feels like I'm not really sure what I imagined when I walked into this office. I knew better than to buy into the whole leather couch, one lamp sort of thing from the movies. I do work in one of these places, after all. Still though, it wasn't quite …
The Scaffold
This... this is embarrassing I had hoped to continue the story of my first therapy session today. However, I had an experience that I think will bring more clarity to the thoughts and feelings that overwhelm me so often. Maybe talking about it can help me understand what happened as well. I had made it …
The Search
Who can I turn to? As it turns out, finding a decent counselor takes a lot of work. A lot of distracting, anxiety producing, sleep reducing work. To put it in perspective, it took me 15 minutes to choose a primary care physician after switching health insurance companies last year. I spent 3 hours at …
The Realization
Maybe things could be different Looking back, it's easy to see that I've been struggling with anxiety for quite some time. I have a reputation as a horrible decision maker, I'm never sure how I want to proceed, and this internal dread often floods over me out of nowhere. As someone with a degree in …
The Battle 