For about a week, everything has felt different. It’s like the whole world is brighter. Colors pop. I’ve been able to focus, and breath, and smile. Times like this are always refreshing. I feel energized. I feel confident.
That’s not to say that I haven’t been stressed. I’ve been worried, jittery, even a little bit pissed off. You think I could pick a place to eat this weekend? HELL NO. But somehow, everything that would have bothered me just didn’t matter. All the little things that could have derailed me just passed right by.
I know this won’t last. Like nice weather in Pennsylvania, it’s bound to pass soon. That’s just the reality of life. For the first time, though, I’m not letting that get me down. I know it will get harder, but I also know that good things will follow. I think that’s what those annoyingly optimistic people call “hope.”
Right now, at this moment, I have the opportunity to experience things as they are, unobstructed by the fog in my chemically-challenged brain. I can learn and practice the skills that I’ve been presented with. I can organize and plan. I can say what I think with confidence and character (except I still get all tongue tied because my brain works faster than my mouth and simple words sound like utter nonsense, and I still can’t say the word museum). For the first time in a long time, I can say that I have hope. For the first time, probably ever, I’m ready to accept what’s coming.